dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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