how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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