Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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