dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
