you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
