Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
