sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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