playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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