dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
