I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
two words...techno handjob
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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