like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
