Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
