Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
