I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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