New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
