Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
