My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
