Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
