You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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