i would punch a child for taco bell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
