bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
