Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
