is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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