my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
