Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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