dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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