AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
