man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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