From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
