i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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