it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
