It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
