Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
