this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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