im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
