I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
