I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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