My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
