Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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