I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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