If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
