Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
