I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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