I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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