Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize