my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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