did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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