I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
