I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
