Will you blow on my dice?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
