i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
