You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
