he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
