But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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