we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
babies were throwing up all over the place
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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