too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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