I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
