hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
