i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
