booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
