So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
