I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
