Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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