Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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