If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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